i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
