I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
