All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
