so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
