On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
