so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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