a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
