I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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