Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
