He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
