The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
