we have officially lost it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
