If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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