I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I could make wine with my vomit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
