ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
