White coat. Heels.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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