My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
