I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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