she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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