he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
