i think my tv is drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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