1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
