Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dick has a subreddit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
