As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
do nipples grow back?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
