come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
