I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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