Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
