They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
