are you still at the devil's house?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
