I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
