Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
