Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
