I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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