do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
