Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
