im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
