My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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