walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
