He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
