you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
