just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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