So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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