seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
