I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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