just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
