I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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