I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
