i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
