I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
