Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
