if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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