i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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