I am puke
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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