Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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