I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will pee on everything he values.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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