So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
